Sunday, April 25, 2004
A Higher Power
George Bush lay awake one night in the White House, trying to decide what to do about the war on terror. Finally, in desperation, he slid out of bed, dropped to his knees, and began to pray.
"Dear Lord," he began, "please help me figure out what to do. Most of my advisors say I should pursue Osama bin Laden in Afghanistan, make our country's seaports and airliners more safe, protect our chemical plants, and give our police and fire departments more money to prepare for attacks. But Dick Cheney and Don Rumsfeld really want to invade Iraq, even though the military says it's no threat and the CIA says it wasn't connected to 9/11.
"You have to give me a sign, Lord," Bush prayed. "Everyone but Dick and Don says Iraq will be a quagmire and cost thousands of lives, but I really, really want to invade -- it will make me look like a big shot for the election, and if I topple Saddam my daddy may finally take me seriously.
"What should I do? Please, Lord, please -- give me a sign. If I should stay out of Iraq, then give me a sign..."
Just then, the ground shook with an earthquake. The books fell off the shelves, a vase crashed to the ground, and all the curtains in the bedroom rolled up on their own. Dogs began barking all over Washington, and out of nowhere a sudden snow storm blew in and dumped half a foot of snow on the White House while leaving the surrounding neighborhood untouched.
"A sign," Bush continued, "give me any sign at all, Lord, and I won't invade Iraq...".
"Dear Lord," he began, "please help me figure out what to do. Most of my advisors say I should pursue Osama bin Laden in Afghanistan, make our country's seaports and airliners more safe, protect our chemical plants, and give our police and fire departments more money to prepare for attacks. But Dick Cheney and Don Rumsfeld really want to invade Iraq, even though the military says it's no threat and the CIA says it wasn't connected to 9/11.
"You have to give me a sign, Lord," Bush prayed. "Everyone but Dick and Don says Iraq will be a quagmire and cost thousands of lives, but I really, really want to invade -- it will make me look like a big shot for the election, and if I topple Saddam my daddy may finally take me seriously.
"What should I do? Please, Lord, please -- give me a sign. If I should stay out of Iraq, then give me a sign..."
Just then, the ground shook with an earthquake. The books fell off the shelves, a vase crashed to the ground, and all the curtains in the bedroom rolled up on their own. Dogs began barking all over Washington, and out of nowhere a sudden snow storm blew in and dumped half a foot of snow on the White House while leaving the surrounding neighborhood untouched.
"A sign," Bush continued, "give me any sign at all, Lord, and I won't invade Iraq...".
