Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Red Sox Look to Expand Pitching Staff Appeal
Boston | October 31, 2007
Red Sox GM Theo Epstein announced today that the club would look to broaden the appeal of the club's pitching staff by adding "additional interesting and entertaining characters."
"We've done a good job of finding pitchers with built-in entertainment value, but we want to build on that success by adding some additional characters for next year."
Currently the Red Sox pitching staff boasts a young closer with a screw loose, a cocky Texas gunslinger, a Japanese kid who doesn't speak English, and a comically self-promoting but still likable southern blowhard.
"We're happy with what we've got, obviously," said Epstein, "though we were hoping Tavares would have a better year, giving us a 'loco Hispanic' on the mound more often. And clearly the left-of-center Canadian jazz-looking guy didn't work out.
"We're thinking of adding either a charming but drunk Irishman, a nerdy Jewish kid with glasses, or a bear-like German guy who likes fat woman. A tall skinny kid with crazy hair would also be a possibility. Meanwhile we'll continue to work with Dice-K to help him speak humorously incorrect English in anticipation of a break-out season next year.
Asked if there would be an available roster spot for an African-American with a comically large afro, Epstein had no comment.
"But either way," he said, "I think we'll be in good shape."
Red Sox GM Theo Epstein announced today that the club would look to broaden the appeal of the club's pitching staff by adding "additional interesting and entertaining characters."
"We've done a good job of finding pitchers with built-in entertainment value, but we want to build on that success by adding some additional characters for next year."
Currently the Red Sox pitching staff boasts a young closer with a screw loose, a cocky Texas gunslinger, a Japanese kid who doesn't speak English, and a comically self-promoting but still likable southern blowhard.
"We're happy with what we've got, obviously," said Epstein, "though we were hoping Tavares would have a better year, giving us a 'loco Hispanic' on the mound more often. And clearly the left-of-center Canadian jazz-looking guy didn't work out.
"We're thinking of adding either a charming but drunk Irishman, a nerdy Jewish kid with glasses, or a bear-like German guy who likes fat woman. A tall skinny kid with crazy hair would also be a possibility. Meanwhile we'll continue to work with Dice-K to help him speak humorously incorrect English in anticipation of a break-out season next year.
Asked if there would be an available roster spot for an African-American with a comically large afro, Epstein had no comment.
"But either way," he said, "I think we'll be in good shape."
